Chapter Eighteen: You can’t forget about it just like you can’t forget about him
I closed my eyes and gripped my bed sheet out of frustration. More memories entered my mind.
I groaned and buried my face against my pillow. No matter how much I’ve tried to block it. Memories kept creeping into my freaking mind.
I’m beyond stupid!
There’s no other way to justify what I’ve done.
After what happened at Rei’s party. I ended up secluding myself into my room.
I’m practically ignoring everyone. I disconnected the line inside my room and turned off my phone.
For weeks, nag mongha ako sa kwarto ko. Thanks to Sigrid, I always have enough food in my fridge kaya hindi ko naging problema ang pagkain.
Now, who wants to go out kung lahat naman nang kelangan mo eh nasa kwarto mo na?
Yes Armie! Keep telling yourself that.
Great! Even my subconscious is mocking me.
I placed my right arm against my forehead and let out an exasperated sigh.
Kahit si Sigrid, hindi ko pa ulit nakikita simula ng gabi na yon. Sigrid saw me that night. She saw me crying but she never asked me a question.
Sigrid knows I need time to think things over so she never pushes me.
I need to pull myself together. I need my damn brain back na hindi na yata bumalik simula nung gabi na nakasama ko si Devon.
It must be the weeds and not to mention, my emotions were extremely unstable that night.
I shook my head and looked at the wall clock.
Two in the afternoon but I’m still in my pajamas.
How cool is that? Note the sarcasm.
I almost jumped in surprise when I heard a loud bang outside my room. “Mie, we need to talk.” Sigrid said from the other side, a little bit louder than her usual calm tone.
I sighed and ignored her.
“Armie! Go out of your room now or I’ll break your door down. You choose!!” She yelled this time.
So Sigrid already reached her limit.
I grumbled. “Go away.” I muttered as if she could hear me.
Narinig ko ulit ang pagkatok nito sa pinto. “I’m waiting Armie! I’m serious. I already gave you enough time. It’s about time you tell me what the fudge happened at Rei’s party!” Sigaw ulit nito.
I snorted and rolled my eyes kahit hindi ako nito nakikita.
Alam kung alam na nito yung nangyari. Rei had been here yesterday. I heard his voice. Kahit hindi ako lumalabas ng kwarto ko. Alam ko pa rin yung mga nangyayari outside my room.
Besides, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened between me and Devon that night.
I’m pretty sure, Sigrid just wanted me to say it.
I groaned and rolled out of my bed. I walked to my door and swing it open. “So scandalous Sigrid. Eto ba ang natututunan mo sa pagsama-sama kay Trey?”
I saw her blush. Halatang hindi nito inaasahan yung ginawa kong pagbungad dito. “How did you know that?” Gulat at nanlalaki yung mga matang tanong nito.
I leaned against my door. “I’m not dead nor deaf Sigrid.” I paused and knocked on the wall beside me. “Paper thin walls, remember?” I reminded her, crooking my head at one side.
Sigrid blushed even more. She should be thankful, I’m not in my bitchy mood dahil kung hindi, baka hindi na nawala yung pamumula ng buong mukha nito.
After a few minutes of continuous blushing, Sigrid huffed and crossed her arms above her chest. “Stop doing your mind tricks on me. You’re going to spill what happened that night whether you like it or not.” She paused and lifted her chin in defiance. “Or do I really need to choke the information out of you?”
I sighed and slumped my shoulders in defeat. When Sigrid is in this state, no one can stop her.
Sigrid grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of my room. When we reached downstairs, she dragged me straight to the kitchen counter.
I groaned as she grabbed my shoulders, urging me to sit down.
There’s already a cup of coffee in front of me. This made me smile somehow.
And that’s a big thing, considering that it’s getting more and more difficult for me to smile these days.
My mind whirled while I stared at my mug. Images pop into my head.
The image of Devon’s head between my legs vanished at her question. “Are you even listening to me?”
I gulped hard.
I need to get my head outta of the gutter.
I glanced at her. “Pardon?”
Sigrid looked at me in disbelief. “Pardon?” She repeated with scoff. “What Am I? One of your clients?”
I ignored her sarcasm and grabbed my mug. I took a sip. After a few minutes, I looked up and finally met her eyes.
Sigrid leaned forward and rested her folded arms on the counter. She is just staring at me with a thoughtful expression across her face.
I frowned and grip my mug tighter.
I need more coffee.
Sigrid cleared her throat. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”
I paused with my glass raised half way to my mouth. Slowly, I lowered my glass back to the counter. “Are you going to let it go if I tell you that I’m still not ready?” I asked her back.
Sigrid raised her eyebrow, looking unconvinced. “Oh come on, it was probably not that bad.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah right. Because all the things in the world are good and agreeable in your eyes.” I paused and huffed. “I need to smoke.” I added.
Sigrid frowned. “Really? That bad?” She paused for a moment and looked at me intently. “How bad is it?”
Perfect Ten!
I just let Devon banged me inside his car! Meron pa bang mas sasaklap pa don?
Oh wait! I forgot to mention the fact that I freaking enjoyed it!
Kill me now!
Damn my raging hormones!
The more I think about what happened, the more I realized, I’m still not over him and how stupid I can be.
Oh right, we already have an agreement about the stupid part.
“I just want to forget it.” I mumbled under my breath.
Sigrid’s eyes filled with sympathy.
I sighed and pinched my nose, trying to calm my nerves.
Sigrid reached my hand and squeezed it. “But that’s the problem, right? You can’t forget about it.” Huminto to sa pagsasalita kaya napatingin ako dito.
Sigrid took a deep breath and smiled sadly at me. “Just like you can’t forget about him.”
Him
I stiffened.
A lump formed in my throat as I choked back my tears.
I will not cry! I refused to!
Sabi nila, the first step is always the hardest, but things come easier after that.
That’s baloney!
It’s been years, pero bakit ang sakit sakit pa rin?
The whole process is a fvcking torture.
My breathing became fast and shallow as the memories of the past flashed before me.
“Hey, calm down Mie.” Sigrid’s voice seemed so far away.
Naramdaman ko nalang na nakapaloob na ako sa mga bisig nito. I leaned my head against her chest as she held me close. Many thoughts were running through my mind.
“Everything will be alright.” Sigrid said as she touched my hair, trying to soothe me and ease my fear.
I really hope she’s right. I refused to go back and suffered through the same mistake again.
I will definitely lose my sanity, if that happens.
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