VAGUE TORMENTS
Diane’s P.O.V.
“P-Please… d-don’t do this. I beg you!” My voice was shaking while pleading for him—silently praying that he would realize some sense not to continue the mortal sin that he was about to do. I could feel nothing but blind terror. I ended up hoping that everything was not actually happening and was only a cruel joke.
He did not speak and just removed the remaining cloth that covered my breasts. It seemed like nothing could stop him from sucking my right peak while his palm was doing its job to ravage the left.
As his sticky tongue licked every part of me, I didn’t have any choice but to shed tears and sob. He was full of lust and with my condition now, I could do nothing to fight back. So tonight, it was all the end for me. This stranger would get the most valued treasure that might lead me into a bottomless agony.
He kissed me again and curled his fingers on my hair. He was no longer adding too much pressure on my lips, but should I be thankful for that? It seemed like he wasn’t getting tired of it. He wasn’t getting enough of me and just continued to destroy my body as much as he wanted. I cried silently, but the pain was screaming inside me about the situation I was in right now.
I thanked God that I was still alive even though I kept on asking Him why this kind of horrible thing had to happen to me. If everything happens for a reason, I wanted to know why He chose me to experience this. Did I do something bad for Him to punish me like this? I wanted to understand why He would let me lose everything I cherished so much after all these years.
Why me? Why does it have to be me?
The man stopped kissing me. Then, he momentarily left my body to take off his clothes, and while he was undressing, I was trembling with fear. I could also feel a bit of contraction in my throat and shortness of breath. My heart pounded real fast as anxiety kept on tormenting me. Mixed emotions had enveloped my entire body, making me suppress a shiver that frightened me from head to toe.
“Please, have some pity on me. My mother and my siblings are waiting for me. I promise, I—I will not report to the police that you kidnapped me. I’ll just go home straight and sleep… I will forget everything. Y-You can have my word, just get me out of here. Please… I’m begging you.”
Pleading while crying unstoppably, I couldn’t stop myself but look at him and try to make a way to see even a slight glimpse of his face, but I was unsuccessful. If my hands were not tied on the headboard, I already rubbed my clammy palms to beseech him pathetically.
If only I could kneel just for him to let me go, I would have done that too. I was hoping that he would soon comprehend that what he was about to do right now was a crime, and this could cost him his entire life in jail. Hoping at the last moment that this tragic event would not continue to get the only thing I preserved for a long time and ruin my life in the process, I felt that my dreams were slowly shattering into pieces.
And I was even more crushed when he did not listen to any of my pleas. He moved his head lopsidedly but did not even speak anything. After that, he took off my pants despite my extreme struggle.
It felt like a quiver suddenly ran down through my nerves, causing my legs to automatically fly to his face. But no matter how many times I struck him with my feet, he did not mind it. I even hit him over the head, but he did not fall asleep although I used my remaining energy in kicking him so hard.
Struggling seemed to have no help at all. I just got tired of it and eventually lost all my strength. My eyes were blurred with tears, my body was covered in sweat, and my exhausted mind was too weak to think anymore. I just wanted to end everything without feeling anything at all.
“Please… stop,” I whispered meekly that was too quiet for him to hear. Being on the verge of hopelessness, I still prayed that he would change his mind at the last second and set me free.
When I didn’t move much as if my almost naked body was stuck on the bed, I knew that he was looking at me. Was he already getting his conscience back? Would he let go of me now?
But I ended up wrong. I thought he was going to stop what he was doing, but it was only a misconception. He bent towards me as he gently stroked my legs that caused horror all over my body. The loathsome devil would no longer have a conscience at any angle.
Later, his hands crawled up to my smooth thighs… until those reached my delicate treasure. A part of me that only I could see, that only I could touch, would soon be ripped in the dark. The precious gem I treasured all my life would be taken away by this stranger in a split minute. My dreams would now all be gone because of this rapist.
His coarse whisky tongue licked my thighs upward before sinking in between them for a moment. His face stayed on the private part that caused me to squirm. Then, he deliberately removed my panty that was covering my entire nakedness—the only cloth that separated my most hidden part and his face. After that, I could feel a finger shoving inside me, exploring my insides.
When he was done, he stood up as I was already restless to move. Even though I could not see his face, I seemed to have memorized his figure. He was tall and had a muscular body built. Soon enough, he approached me again as if he was in a hurry. I could feel the burning heat of his body and the warmth of his breath on the crook of my neck. I guessed he was drunk and completely out of his mind.
For the umpteenth time, he brushed his lips on mine. Unlike before, now was a kind of kiss which seemed to be eager for love. I did not respond to any of his kisses because I was disgusted, I felt so used. I did not know how many times I turned my face to the other direction, just so our lips would not meet. I was tired and sick of him.
For the last time, or I thought so, my tears streamed down my face with the bitter acceptance of the darkest fate that would happen—a kind of torment that would forever haunt me. I closed my eyes and just wished for the bed to open and swallow me rather than to be imprisoned under my abductor’s body.
His lips went down to my neck and to my breasts which he squeezed tighter that caused me pain. Those trailed to my stomach, down to my belly, and to the most valued gem in between my legs. That caused me to let out a scream of panic, “No! Please… don’t!”
Not knowing why he had to do this to me, I was able to tussle a few more times with my remaining strength. I was able to kick him again, but I just couldn’t fully fight and help myself free, since my wrists were tied to the bed.
He ignored me, but he moved up to claim my lips again as he laid his left hand on my right jaw. At the same time, it seemed like his angry crotch was trying to intrude on my core with the help of his right hand. My legs moved intricately to prevent him from entering, but his pleasure was making him reach his lustful zone. Force uncontrolled.
And because of that, we were both stunned.
I was shocked when I felt the pang of discomfort caused by him accessing and ripping my core—that one incomparable and excruciating pain that slowly took away my womanhood. Perhaps, he was surprised when he felt that mine was still tight, but that didn’t make him stop to do his callous and terrifying deed all over.
He made a series of deep thrusts and later on, all I could feel was him, stretching my nerves while pleasingly stabbing my body. My tears kept on rolling that I couldn’t control them. What he was doing kept on shaking my whole being and cruelly ending my dreams.
He continued pounding on top of me while letting out a few moans of satisfaction and relief. I didn’t want to hear him with my eyes closed and my head slouched. I couldn’t look at him overpowering with lust even though the surrounding was so dark. I had been trapped under his bulky body too many times. His pleasure increased and so his grip on me, making him reach the peak of his desire.
It really hurts me physically, emotionally, and mentally. I was totally drained. I guessed it would ruin my entire life. After this, I would never want to live again. I would never look to the future the same way again.
I opened my eyes, and he was still ravaging my body. I couldn’t stop myself from crying, as my brown orbs were fixed on the ceiling I could not even see. As my virginity tore apart, he released something inside me while still thrusting non-stop. I didn’t have a choice, what happened would surely leave me a horrible mark—one that could traumatize my past. A dark mark that would not be easily gone. With his every thrust, I continued to feel less of a woman.
Now, I left with nothing. In just an instant, I lost my honor, purity, and dignity to a rapist. In just a matter of seconds, my future was ruined.
I thought my suffering was over, but it was not. Although he untied my wrists from the headboard of the bed, I could feel nothing—my whole body seemed to be numb and disoriented. It came to a point where I no longer cared about what he would do to me next. That it would be better if he would just kill me so that this torture could finally end.
He repeatedly claimed my body that night as if he was not getting tired of it. When he got enough, he was panting while resting on top of me. He waited for his breathing to become steady before he laid his body beside me, hugged me so tight like I was a piece of his possession until he fell asleep.
Everything hurts now. Every damn little thing. It seemed like my body didn’t belong to me anymore. Long after my tears had dried and my lacerations put me into tatters, I no longer yearned to see the dawn.
Quickly dragging myself away from the bed, I was out of breath as if I ran a thousand miles. That caused my whole body to profusely sweat. As I heaved a deep sigh of relief, I had released all the stiffness lurking inside my chest due to unfathomable nervousness.
“Oh! Thank, God. It was just a dream again!” I muttered while sullenly rubbing my forehead.
I had been dreaming about that weird scenario for two years already. With so many explicit details, everything seemed to be true like it happened in real-life. It was the same nightmare that I did not know, nor comprehend, what was the real connection with me.
Our mother was kind and understanding, but when I told her once about this kind of dream, she ended up scolding me. She suspected me of imagining lascivious acts and even accused me that I might have already leveled up my performance in the club.
She also blamed me for allegedly reading pocketbooks related to sex and watching movies that contain pornography! I would end up smiling while convincing her that I would never do those kinds of things. Mom was nice, but sometimes, she was overreacting.
So, even that nightmare would visit me a few more times, my mouth was zipped as I would not speak about it… but it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t affecting me.
There was no single day that I wasn’t thinking about that dream. It was clear, but at the same time, vague. The scenes were always like that, and nothing changed even from the start. That dream would always make me question myself about a lot of things, like…
Why do I keep on dreaming about it when my mind wasn’t even obscene?
Why would I dream about it when it didn’t happen to me? And there was no chance I would prefer that rape to ever happen to me.
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