NUEBE.
“Why are you still going in there?” Marco asked. Sinuot ko ung sling bag ko at kinuha sa shelf yong doll shoes ko. “C’mon, Aleya. You don’t need to go there,” nag-aalalang sabi niya. “Ano pa bang gagawin mo don?”
“Don’t worry about me, okay? Ilang beses ko na tong ginagawa and you know naman na hindi na siya babalik don, hindi ba?” sagot ko.
“Hindi pa rin tayo sigurado, Aleya. Mabuti na yong maingat ka lalo na at aalis ka na. Mauudlot pa ba ang pag-alis mo?”
“That’s the reason, Marco. This will be the last,” I held his hand. “And, you’ve done so many things for me. I don’t even know how to pay you back.”
“Don’t visit the place, please. Just stay home with me today,” pamimilit niya.
“Last na ‘to, promise. I’ll be gone in two days, and I’m pretty sure naman Van will not visit his condo. He never did since four months ago,” I stated.
It’s been two months and a lot of things happened. Pagkatapos ng araw na ‘yon ay hindi ko na muling nakita si Van.
I was in a critical condition since I was shot near the heart. I lost our baby and so is Van.
Marco was also shot pero hindi naman siya napuruhan dahil agad na dumating si Bre kasama ang mga pulis at sundalo na ipinadala ng Daddy niya. She already asked their help and I am really thankful dahil sigurado akong patay na kami ni Marco kung wala sila. Doon ko napagtanto na Van was really willing to kill for me.
I could say it was sweet if it was only a thought, but seeing how he’d gone crazy because of me, that’s another thing. Hindi ko kailanman naisip na gagawin niya ‘yon lalo na at hindi ganoon ang pagkakakilala ko sa kanya o maaring mali lang talaga ako ng pagkakakilala sa kanya.
Bre investigated Van. She was trying to tell me that Van is a psychopath based sa test na isinagawa nila. I don’t know what test and I don’t want to know, obvious naman ‘e. Though, hindi ko alam how did it happen. Maari dahil daw ito sa trauma na nangyari sa kanya during the crash or di kaya ay matagal na at mas lalong na-trigger dahil sa aksidente.
We tried to investigate the crash too, as well as the crash of my parents pero wala kaming nakuha. Tila ba nabura na ang pangyayari sa mundo at walang nangyari. Hindi na rin nakapagtataka dahil sa mafia nga ang pamilya niya at kaya nilang gawin ang lahat ng gusto nilang gawin sa kahit na sino.
Gusto kong alamin ang totoo pero hindi matatapos ang lahat kung mananatili ako dito sa lugar na ito. Gusto ko na umalis na lang sa lugar na ito at magsimula ng bagong buhay kasama ang bagong ako. Hindi ko yon magagawa kung patuloy akong aasa sa isang bagay na matagal ko na dapat sinukuan.
“You really do love Van?” Marco sadly smiled. “After all these times…”
Van. It was a really, literally a roller-coaster journey with him. It was like sitting in a calm sea while waiting for a storm to happen. I couldn’t describe it. Masakit. Sobra. Pero hindi pa rin maiiwasan na naging masaya ako sa konting panahon.
It’s a little infinity I would always remember.
It will always be there. I will always love Van kahit na mahanap ko na yong taong tunay na para sa akin. For now, I will make myself happy because I learned that happiness begins with me and not with anyone.
“Van is…” I smiled and nodded a bit. “I’ll take care of myself, okay?”
“At least, hayaan mo na samahan kita,” he urged. “Hindi ako mapapanatag hangga’t hindi ako sigurado na okay ka. Van is still out there.”
Yes. Van is still out there. Hindi ko alam ang nangyari after that. Nagising na lang ako na wala na si Van. Gone. Hindi nila alam kung nasaan siya dahil nakatakas siya after ng insidente. Nag-file kami ng kaso laban sa kanya at sinubukan na hanapin siya pero wala kaya lumipas ang ilang buwan na hindi na namin siya o hindi ko na siya nakita pa.
Bre hired bodyguards for us since we still both stayed in a condo. Jake stayed with us too para may kasama kami and Marco rented the condo next to us dahil gusto niya na may kasama kami ni Bre. I don’t know what I will do without them. Hays.
“I am a black belt in taekwondo,” I assured him. “And, I have a gun with me. You can track me. And I will call you.”
Hindi ko na siya pinatapos sa pagsasalita. Tumakbo na ako sa pintuan at kumaway sa kanya. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
I drove to Van’s condo. Payapa naman ang pag-byahe ko at hindi na rin ako umangal nang makita ko na nakasunod ang mga bodyguard sa akin. Mas maigi na rin yon dahil hindi pa rin sigurado kung nasaan si Van.
I missed him. I really do.
I was still hoping I would see him before I go pero alam ko naman na malabo na yon.
I hated Van. I did. Namatay ang baby namin dahil sa kanya. Sobrang pasakit ang dinulot niya sa akin pero eto pa rin ako…bumabalik sa condo niya once in a while to check if he visited the place.
Gaya ng dati, pareho pa rin ang ayos ng lahat na tila ba walang taong gumalaw nito. Kung paano ko ‘to iniwan noong nakaraan ay ganoon ko din ito nakita ngayon.
“Now, Van, what will I do? This is my last visit,” saad ko sa hangin, hoping he would hear it.
I decided to go to his painting room. It’s been months since I last painted. I was able to graduate, not as Summa Cum Laude, but still with Latin Honor. I wasn’t able to take some of my exams and wasn’t able to defend our thesis but they still give me consideration after everything.
Inayos ko lahat after I recovered from the incident. I also did some therapy for a while with the help of Bre since she’s now continuing her journey to become a doctor specially a psychiatrist. Masyado yata siyang na-inspire sa story ko kaya naman ayon tinuloy na niya.
Mag-sa-sana all na lang ako dahil hindi ko alam ang dapat kong gawin.
Hiling ko na magawa ko ng mahanap ang sarili ko sa pagpunta namin ni Jake sa Amsterdam. It took us months din para maayos ang mga papel ko at makalipat doon kasama si Jake at ang pamilya niya. At least, alam ko na Jake and his family will take care of me and I will never have to be alone. Mami-miss ko nga lang si Bre at Marco.
I started painting Van’s portrait and tried hard to remember his face…the old Van because I don’t like that new Van…it’s like he’s never Van at all. Iba talaga ang nagagawa ng trauma sa isang tao. Kung nasaan man siya sana ay okay siya o di kaya he’s doing something for him to be okay.
I wanted to finish the portrait kaya naman nagpaalam ako kay Bre at Marco na matutulog na lamang sa condo. I made sure the bodyguard was still around dahil naroon pa rin ang takot ko sa pwedeng mangyari.
Thankfully, I slept and woke up in peace. I went out for a while to buy food. Nandon pa rin ung mga bodyguards and I updated pa rin sina Marco para hindi sila mag-alala. I went back to his condo and finished his portrait.
I felt fulfilled after finishing his portrait. Nilagay ko na lang iyon sa kwarto niya para naman makita niya kung sakaling babalik pa siya sa condo na ito. Nilinis ko na lahat ang mga gamit at sinugurado ko na maayos ang lahat bago ako umalis. Ito na ang huling pagdalaw ko dito kaya nag-desisyon ako na iwanan na ang susi ng condo niya. After all, hindi naman na talaga ako dapat na pumunta pa rito. Hindi ko na dapat pa ito ginagawa.
I went to the kitchen and opened the countertop kung saan nilalagay ni Vans ang mga keys niya. I dropped it inside and was about to close it when I noticed some pack of peanut butter.
Peanut butter? He’s allergic to that so how come…I started opening the shelf, the drawer, and it’s weird. He stored peanut butter. Why would a person who’s allergic to peanut store a peanut butter?
Unless…
I looked around the place. It’s the same place since the first time I went here with Van. But, what am I missing here?
I don’t know if my instinct is right, but I can’t just let it go because it might be the reason why he is different from the one I used to know.
I need proof.
I started searching the place for secret drawers, passages, not knowing what to look in particularly until I went inside his painting room.
Inikot ko ang paningin ko sa kabuuan ng kwarto. Dito lang naman ang madalas na tambayan ni Van kung wala siya sa Antipolo. Yeah, right.
I haven’t thought of going in there. Although, they already inspected the place at wala naman silang nakita. Even in his condo ay wala rin silang nakita. Pero ano nga ba kasi ang makikita mo kung hindi mo alam kung ano ba ang dapat mong hanapin?
I don’t want to risk myself again going in his house kaya naman sinikap ko na maghanap pa ng kung ano man sa loob ng condo niya.
Isang oras na siguro akong naghahanap doon pero wala talaga akong makita hanggang sa naisip ko na isa-isang halungkatin ang mga libro sa shelf. Madalas nakikita ko sa movies na pinapanuod ko ang pagtatago ng ebidensya sa mga ganyang bagay pero sht ano ba ang dapat kong hanapin?
I don’t have enough time to actually browse all his books dahil ang dami.
“If I am Van, where would I hide the evidence?”
Napabugtong-hininga na lang ako dahil wala akong idea kung ano ba talaga ang dapat kong hanapin. I am walking in bubbles.
I decided to call Bre.
Hindi pa nasasagot ni Bre ang tawag nang bigla akong makaramdam ng kaba at takot sa dibdib ko na para bang may nakatingin sa akin.
I looked around at sigurado naman ako na mag-isa lang ako. Pero bakit parang pakiramdam ko ay nasa paligid lang si Van. Ito yong pakiramdam kapag sinasaktan niya ako.
I felt like there were footsteps outside, so my instinct told me to run inside his room.
Damn!
Don’t tell me it’s Van.
I mean, does he know I am here?
Wait…does he have access to the cctv here? No, it’s the building…
Napamura na lang ako at agad na nagtago sa ilalim ng kama niya nang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto. I locked it and if it’s the bodyguard or Marco they will call me dahil wala silang susi to open the unit. It’s only Van and me who have keys. I didn’t even surrender the keys to the police and lied about having them which I somehow regretted now.
I closed my eyes and prayed habang nakahilata ako sa ilalim ng kama niya. Inihanda ko na rin ang baril at ang sarili ko kung sakaling si Van nga ito.
Sht.
I was lying there for a second hanggang sa mapansin ko iyong nakausling kahoy sa ilalim ng kama ni Van.
Agad ko itong binuksan. Hindi pa naglo-loading sa utak ko ang nakita ko nang biglang bumukas ang pinto ng kwarto.
I recognized the shoes since it’s the gift I gave to Van on our first anniversary.
“Aleya?”
I almost cried when I heard his voice, but then I realized I shouldn’t be crying anymore.
“I know you are here.”
I heaved and slowly got out under the bed.
He was wearing black hoodie na agad niyang ibinaba ng makita niya ako. He shaved his head. He looked sad and devastated.
“Sorry for being here, iiwan ko lang yung keys at aalis na ako,” agad kong inilabas ang baril nang tangkain niya akong hawakan.
“I swear I’ll kill you,” ikinasa ko yong baril.
“I missed you,” he broke down.
I looked the other way. It hurts but my anger is too deep that if I could only kill, I’ll kill him right now.
“It’s too late.”
“I will kill myself if you leave me!” he yelled. “I swear I will do it!”
My lips parted in shock nang hatakin niya ang baril na hawak ko at itapat sa sentido niya.
“I will kill myself!”
I stared at him for a while and finally got the reason to leave.
I finally have the reason to never look back to him.
I now have proof that will make me walk a thousand miles away from him without regretting.
“Go, kill yourself,” I mocked. “After all, hindi naman talaga ikaw si Van.”
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