BIG SHOT #1: RICKY

Big Shot #1: Ricky ❣ Chapter Sixteen ❣

Mom

“It seems like, you know Seth so well.”

Dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong isagot dito, umungol nalang ako.

“Only few people know the real him. You must be special to him.”

I snorted.

I doubt that.

“Since when the two of you—-“

I waved my hand to cut him off. “What’s with the twenty questions?”

“I’m just having a conversation.”

“By asking me about your cousin? Instead of asking me, why don’t you just ask him?”

Nagkamot ng batok si Ricky at napanganga ako nang mapansin ko yung pamumula ng pisngi nito. “Are you jealous?” Gulat na bulalas ko bago pa ako makapagpreno.

Nakita ko yung pagkagulat sa mukha ni Ricky at alam kong nag re-reflect din yung emosyon nito sa mga mata ko.

But to my surprise, after a few seconds, Ricky’s face softened as he approached me. And then he looked me straight in the eyes. “Yes.”

And that automatically made me tongue-tied.

At bago pa ako makapag react, pumunta to sa harapan ko at nilagay nito yung mga kamay nito sa magkabila kong gilid.

Literal na naubusan ng hangin yung sistema ko nang lumapit yung mukha nito sa mukha ko.

Halos magtama na yung ilong namin sa lapit.

Oh God! Not this close!

Nang hinila ni Ricky yung bewang ko, automatic na naitulak ko yung dib-dib nito. “Get away from me! What’s wrong with you?”

Imbis na sundin ako nito, mas lalong nilapit ni Ricky yung mukha nito sa mukha ko. “Get-t away-y from-m mee-e….” Nauutal na ulit ko.

Pero hinawi lang nito yung buhok ko na tumatakip sa mata ko.

And that simple gesture made me tongue-tied……Again…….

Ricky leaned his forehead against mine at wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang mapasinghap nang malakas.

“I’m sorry Rain.” Mariin nitong pinikit yung mga mata nito. “I’m so sorry for hurting you.” Dinilat nito yung mga mata nito at diretso na tumitig sa mga mata ko. “If only I can take it back. I will.” Masuyo nitong hinaplos yung pisngi ko at nakita ko yung pag-igting ng baga nito. “I know that I don’t have the right to ask you this. But please……please…..” He paused. “Let me stay by your side hanggang sa handa na akong pakawalan ka. Just let me love you in silence.”

Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong maramdaman sa nangyayari. Halo halo yung emosyon ko. Ang alam ko lang eh yung panginginig ng buong katawan ko at yung lakas ng tibok ng puso ko dahil sa mga salita na lumabas sa bibig nito.

Iba pa rin pala ang impact pag sa mismong bibig na ni Ricky nanggaling yung nararamdaman nito kesa yung nababasa mo lang. At yon ang hindi ko napaghandaan.

So, I stayed rooted on my spot and stared at his face like a deer caught in the headlights.

Ilang minuto rin yung nakalipas bago bumalik sa katinuan yung utak ko. Nanghihina na tinulak ko yung dib-dib nito. “Let’s sit somewhere comfortable and talk like a normal people.”

“Rain…”

I cut him off. Masuyo akong ngumiti dito. “Get me a cup of coffee. I need my caffeine.”

He gave me a weak smile habang nag aalinlangan pa rin ako nitong binitiwan bago to tumalikod pabalik sa loob para kumuha ng kape sa vending machine. In record time, hawak hawak ko na yung kape ko habang nakaupo to sa tapat ko.

I cleared my throat at tinanong ko dito yung gumugulo sa isipan ko. “Is Tin really suicidal?”

“Who told you…” Napatigil to. “Seth!”

Kibit balikat na tumango ako dito. “Is she?”

He sighed. “According to your mom.”

Naibaba ko agad yung cup na hawak ko. “Wait! My mom?”

What the heck is going on?

He nodded his head. “Yes, your mom. She knows everything.”

Naguguluhan kong hinilot yung noo ko. “What the…”

That’s impossible!

“You know from the start that I loved your sister, right?” Nag aalinlangan na sabi nito. “And that time, I thought I still did.” Dagdag nito habang nakatingin sa kawalan na para bang inaalala nito yung nakaraan.

And then he suddenly looked at me. “But as soon as I realized that I’m in love with you and not with her. I’m ready to chase you and beg for your forgiveness.” He laughed hallowly. “But Tin’s suicide happened. At first, I’m so adamant to believe it.” He shrugged and smiled, bitterly. “And that’s when your mom intervened. She convinced me to wait until Tin is stable. When weeks turned into months, handa na akong sundan ka, stable or not. Pero sa pangalawang pagkakataon, pinigilan ulit ako ni Tita.”

Tumigil to ng ilang segundo at bakas yung pag aalinlangan sa muka nito na para bang nahihirapan to sa susunod nitong sasabihin. “She told me that you’re not going to forgive and accept someone like me. Especially, pag nagtangka ulit na mag suicide si Tin. That I’m practically a murderer. At hindi din nito alam kung ano yung magiging reaksyon ni Tito pag nalaman nito yung kundisyon ni Tin at kung bakit ka nag decide na mag boarding house.”

Hindi makapaniwala na napanganga ako dito. Ayaw tanggapin ng utak ko yung impormasyon na binigay nito.

Bina-blackmail to ng mom ko! Literally and emotionally!

Pinuno ko ng hangin yung dib-dib ko. I cleared my throat. “And you listened.”

“Guilt eats me. She’s right. Sa lahat nang nagawa ko, una palang wala na akong karapatan na puntahan ka. Paano pa kaya pag nag suicide ulit si Tin at hindi na niya naagapan? Anong muka pa ang ihaharap ko sayo? So, I gave up the idea of chasing you dahil yon naman yung gusto nyang mangyari. But I told her that I can’t be with Tin anymore and instead of chasing you, I’m going to wait for you to come back.” Masuyo tong ngumiti nang hindi umaabot sa mga mata nito. “And I’m glad you did.”

Inalis ko yung pagkakatitig ko sa mukha ni Ricky. Mas lalo akong naguguluhan sa nakikita kong sakit sa mga mata nito.

“I remained as Tin’s friend but I tried to stay away from her as much as possible.”

Napalingon ulit ako bigla dito. “Kaya hindi ka sa parehong University pumasok.”

Tumango to. “I can’t pretend to be with her when all I’m thinking about is how much I want to be with you.”

At dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong isagot don, tumahimik ulit ako.

After a few minutes of silence, nilingon ko ulit to at tumayo na ako mula sa pagkakaupo ko. “I better leave. Pakisabi nalang sakanila na nauna na ako.”

This is way too much.

Alam kong naiintindihan ako ni Ricky na kailangan kong iprocess yung mga sinabi nito kaya hindi to nagprotesta. Pero bago pa ako makalagpas sa kinakaupuan nito. Papigil nitong hinawakan yung kamay ko kaya kahit ayaw ko man, napatingin ako sa mukha nito.

“Thank you Rain. Thank you.” He whispered with utmost sincerity.

 I could feel that something got stuck in my throat. Tumango nalang ako dito at nagmamadali na tumalikod.

Nanginginig na pumasok ako sa loob ng kotse ko at nanghihina na napasandal sa headrest.

Twenty minutes and now everything is out of proportion.

It only takes twenty minutes with him.

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