BIG SHOT #1: RICKY

Big Shot #1: Ricky ❣ Chapter Eleven ❣

~He needs me~

And so?

What kind of idiot do you take me for?

Do you really think I’m too stupid to believe that crap?

How dare you! How dare you to confess so half-heartedly!

All these thoughts keep running in my freaking mind but all I can manage to say is, “Ok.”

I grabbed the tape recorder and turned it off. My left hand is gripping my left leg, so tightly I can actually feel my nails digging into my skin.

I maybe so calm in the surface pero sobrang kumukulo yung dugo ko beneath this façade.

Ricky looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights. “What?”

Leave now before I say something, I know I would regret.

But instead of speaking my mind. I took several deep breaths.

I looked up and in the most casual voice I could muster, I said, “I said ok. And ohh.” I paused and waved my hand at the door behind him. “You can leave now. Your interview is over.” Leave now before things get ugly.

“But what about—“

I really wanted to stay calm and cool about this situation but the inner turmoil in me was way too much. And his expression is not helping either.

He’s just sitting there, looking at me with a confused expression across his face na para bang wala tong kaalam alam kung ano yung nagawa nitong mali. I mean, what the fvck is that? Like seriously.

So I finally snapped at him. “But what about what??” Gagad na balik tanong ko dito.

Does he really think I will be jumping in joy because of his confession?

Does he really think I will welcome him with open arms?

Come on! Seriously!

What an asshole!

When I feel like I’m starting to get emotional. Pinuno ko ng hangin yung dibdib ko.

Stay calm Rain!

Stay calm!

 “I just want us to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. You said your piece and I said it was the crappiest and stupidest confession I’ve ever heard. Problem solved.” Naiinis na tinuro ko ulit yung pintuan sa likuran nito.” Now, all that is left for you to do is to leave.”

Ricky sighed. “Rain.” He was acting and talking like I was a kid and that’s when the sh!t hit the fan.

“Rain what?”

All my emotions are keep pouring out of me. At alam kong wala ng filter yung bibig ko.

“What did you expect me to do?”

I smiled at him tauntedly bago ako nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita. “Hug you?”

“Cry in joy?”

“Kiss the path you’re walking on?”

I let out a sarcastic laugh. “I hate to burst your delusional bubble.” I looked straight into his eyes. “But if you’re expecting that? You’re a bigger jerk than I thought.” I crossed my arms against my chest as I glared at him more. “You’re three years late.”

 “Second chance? Win me back?” I let out a bitter laugh and shook my head in disbelief. “There’s no us in the first place kaya anong second chance at win me back yung pinagsasabi mo dyan.”

Tinaasan ko to ng kilay kahit sabihin pa na parang may pumipiga sa puso ko. “You said it yourself before, “we’re not really together.”

Hindi nakaligtas sa mga mata ko yung pagkabigla sa mukha nito.

I scoffed. “What? You didn’t expect that?”

Madiin kong kinuyom yung mga palad ko. “You didn’t expect na alam ko kung paano ka nagmakaawa kay Tin na ikaw nalang yung mahalin nito?”

Naramdaman ko yung panginginig ng buong katawan ko pero hindi ko inalis yung pagkakatitig ko sa mga mata nito. “Kung paano ka nagmakaawa na gamitin ka ni Tin para makalimutan si Wyatt?” Buo kong tanong dito kahit nahihirapan na akong magsalita dahil parang may nakaharang sa bukana ng lalamunan ko.

I swallowed the lump on my throat as my eyes tear up. “O baka naman nakalimutan mo na din kung paano ako nagmakaawa sayo na ako naman ang piliin mo?”

May luha nang tumulo sa mga mata ko kahit anong pagpipigil pa ang gawin ko. “O nakalimutan mo na din kung paano akong parang tangang naghintay na balikan mo habang inaalo mo si Tin sa kwarto nito?”

“I smiled behind my tears wag lang sumama yung tingin sayo nila Papa. But what did you gave me in return?” Buong pait kong sumbat dito habang pinapahid ko yung mga luha ko. “Nothing!”

Nanghihina akong napasandal sa upuan ko. “Ni sorry nga wala akong  napala sayo. And that’s just a common courtesy.” I waved my hand in front of him. “And now, you wanted us to talk?”

Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo ko kahit nararamdaman ko yung panginginig ng mga tuhod ko. “You’re the perfect definition of a fvcking asshole!” Pahiklas kong kinuha yung shoulder bag ko sa ibabaw ng lamesa. “If you don’t want to leave. Ako ang aalis. Being in the same room with you makes me vomit.”

Nang makita ko yung pag angat ng kamay nito para pigilan ako. My glare worsened kaya napatigil yung kamay nito sa ere. “Rain—“

I placed my hand in front of his face to cut him off. “Don’t. I had enough of your sh!t today! And besides—–“ I paused and looked at my wristwatch. “I have a date…” I looked up. “With my boyfriend.”

Tumitig ako sa mga mata nito. I can see the glint of sadness, pain and regret in his eyes pero patuloy lang ako sa pagsasalita. “He needs me.” pang gagaya ko sa sinabi nito noon.

Nang uuyam akong ngumiti dito sa kabila ng sakit na nararamdaman ko. “Cheating is not my cup of tea. That’s your forte not mine. So confess to someone who could actually give a fvck.” With that, I turned my back at him and walked away.

Leaving him behind the same way he left me three years ago.

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